… To tell my story. Throughout the last year and a half I’ve embedded little tidbits about my life throughout the celebrity based posts. Everything from the breaking point in me and my moms relationship, my feelings on my parents deaths, being homeless while trying to pursue a dream, dealing with abuse. I’ve share things about myself on my “other blog” that I’ve never shared with my own friends…but I opened up to the world and through it all I received my therapy.

If I was to give it all up today I’d say that I’m fulfilled. I came. I saw. I conquered

I say this with a smile as tears fall. I never thought I’d be Happy. Content and so Blessed. I’ve gotten emails about things said on other sites but I haven’t visited them nor have I read comments or anything. When you are at the top of your game you have to focus on the positive and less on the negative. If there is someone that is trying to destroy you (as an email stated an ex-friend of mine was trying to do) then let them waste up their energy trying to orchestra your downfall. They’ll soon learn that that energy could have been put into something more useful. Like planning their own success.

I say all this to say, don’t let anyone block your blessings. As long as you are focused on the prize, you won’t be able to see anything else that goes on around you.

I took the link to this blog off of my main blog about 4-5 months ago but found out today there is still some sort of way you can get here from my site. I was in training earlier and when I checked my email, there was a long email from a girl who stumbled across this site from my other site mysteriously (i must have left the link on one of the pages) and her words brought me to tears.

So yesterday I found myself pa-roozing the site to pass the time away. Maybe the whole SR situation and how you handled it very curious to know more about you. I had always wondered how the bitchie came about. To me it only made sense that it had to correlate to Nicole Richie somehow! Anyway I end up just clicking around the site and ended on BitchieTV (I had no business clicking on that bc I know dag-on well I can’t see videos at work)! So I back clicked out of it and realized I saw something that wasn’t on other pages… Diary. So I enter a whole new site. WOW!! it was like a whole new world! I felt like I had entered Willy Wonkas with the golden ticket!!! So I read as much as I could and realized I had read my whole afternoon away 9(at work) and this was definitely to be continued. Over the course of the night, I read all the diary blogs..TWICE! the first time because I wanted to know what it was all about and the second to make sure what I read was real, and that I had actually read it! Somehow I ended up watching your speech video from that panel and was crying right along with you!

That stuff was soo personal and so real. I couldn’t believe it and still can’t. Long story short I was so intrigued by your story. From your growing up, to your personal losses, to your career hopping, and your successes. I feel like I had a backstage pass to the world of who Necole(insert full name here J) really was, Beyond Bitchie!

That was the point of this site. And I’m glad someone got it. I am so humbled by your words and everyone who has left comments throughout the time I’ve had my “diary” up. I appreciate you

Whoever you are Thank you! And i will respond…..

So I did an interview with a national publication earlier today and I’m really excited about it. I was able to get out my story, my triumphs, the obstacles I overcame and I even got a little emotional. The interviewer says “wow you have a story to tell girl! there is more to you than just your blog”.

It won’t be on newstands until September. However at the end of the interview, when I thought it was all said and done, the interviewer says “well you know we have to leave the hardball question for last”. And I laughed thinking “what could I really be?”.

She says Read the rest of this entry »

If you want anything out of life you have to totally do it yourself and wait around for no one. Don’t expect anyone to hand you favors as well. I say this because everytime I turn around I am being asked a favor…and it’s fine but when it’s time for me to ask for a favor in return…it’s always no avail. Yes, No one’s owes me anything. I wrote a blog about this.

But what I hate the most is when people come back around to ask another favor after not returning a call on one of my favors. I hear the whispers that I’ve changed and Yes I have. I’ve become very cold and the more stuff, I end up doing on my own after repeatedly reaching out, the colder I become…because suddenly you realize that maybe that was God’s way of telling you, you really don’t need anyone to do anything for you.

I think I got this. But I’m tired of people coming at me like I’ve never done SH*T for them! I changed my number for a reason. I am TIRED!

just had to vent…

This is from my mama’s God’s Promises book:

God knows where we are. Sometimes we forget this. Sometimes we feel as though God has forgotten us. He hasn’t. God knows exactly where we are. So when you are afflicted with those forsaken feelings, when you are on the verge of throwing a pity party, thanks to those despairing thoughts, go back to the Word of God. God says “I know where you are”.

I used to care what people thought of me. Dated back to junior high, my existence was based on what people thought of me and making sure that everyone liked me. Unfortunately I was an outcast back then as I had befriended someone who people thought was far prettier, from a good well-rounded family, who spoke well while I was plagued with a “ghetto twang” that made people mistaken me for illiterate when I went off to college.

My first year in college was probably my worst year as reality sunk in that my family was poor. Since I was from a small town, I always thought we were fine considering the people that I knew. All of my friends from back home were raised in single parent households and our mothers worked in a factory making no more than $6 or $7 dollars an hour. But that was fine, because we didn’t know of anything else. In college I was exposed to people who actually were raised in middle and upper class households with both parents. They were RICH in my eyes. Suddenly I was embarrassed about my jeans from Rainbow and my payless shoes. Suddenly I realized that I wasn’t the perfect speaker after I was teased everyday. (”It’s not Doog, It’s Dog, It’s not Hice..it’s house, it’s not belk…it’s pronounced Belt”). I cried everyday and even now I remember going through the school’s course book and picking out a major that would allow me to bypass taking a speech course because I refused to get up and speak in front of these saditty folks while they laugh at my expense. The only major I found was Computer Science so I went with that… Read the rest of this entry »

I really should update this thing more.  I normally log on….write in my journal and save as a draft and never publish. I don’t know why I do that but whatever I’m here…

I’ve been under the weather the last few days. It always happens when I come back from traveling. I came back from Miami on Sunday and the bug hit me around Monday evening. Never Fails…

So I have alot going on this month. First and foremost I am moving and I’m really excited about that. Goodbye apartment!  The place is really nice too but a little too big for my taste (three levels with a loft) so I’m about to cop me two pitbulls for the time being…until i can find a roommate or something. lmao.  Besides moving, I’ll be attending the BET Awards festivities for the first time ever and I’m excited about that. I have a few really cool things planned.  What’s funny is my Miami trip (to cover pleasure p’s album release) turned into me getting my LA BET Awards weekend covered which was right on time. I didn’t know how i was going to do it all considering i’m in the middle of a move and a few other things.  I’m also helping D Woods (danity kane) celebrate her birthday weekend in Miami July 4th weekend. That should be exciting as well. I always love going there to visit my sister and also my girl who owns Baller Alert stays down there so it’s starting to feel like a second home.

I considered moving there for good but trust and believe…them men are too fine. i probably would turn into a little hoe *giggles* and you know we can’t have that considering I’m the president of the Cob Web Club family.  Two years celibate in July baby!!! I should hold a damn party or something. That’s a huge accomplishment because in this business the temptation is always there. ..but I’m good. At some point you just want something more than an occasional screw that ends up having no meaning. I’m trying to build something deeper with someone than just that and I’ve been fortunate enough to meet men who understand that. I have alot of male friends…True. but they all respect me ..and my decisions. We are good!

Which reminds me, it has gotten so hectic around my area that I don’t get to respond to alot of emails. I really wish I had a filter. But anyway, the number one email inquiry I get is from people who want to start a blog and want advice so my next blog I’m probably going to put as much advice as I can so that I can share that link with whomever asks.

I’m trying so hard and I hope people don’t get offended when I don’t return emails. I have alot on me right now and I really need to hire an assistant but it’s so hard finding someone that I trust with my personal info. I remember last year atleast 2 of B Scott’s interns used to hit me up with info trying to “expose him” after they stopped working with him. I can’t have that type of energy in my life. No sirrr… so until then, I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing.

Necole

Morning!

I woke up with alot on my mind this morning. It’s just alot going on in the world (period) and I had to take time out to Thank God for blessing me and my situation. I remember I really wanted a career in radio, so I interned and cut airchecks left and right trying to get a position on air. I ended up managing the marketing department before eventually leaving but three years later, I have jocks I used to work with calling and telling me to keep my ears to the streets on positions because they just lost theirs due to downsizing.  Just this week everyone passed along an email to Save Black Radio. This is crazy.  After radio I moved to Atlanta followed by New York with hopes of landing a position in a music label.  After 7 months went by and inteviews with Sony BMG, Universal and Bad Boy I ended up having to move back home because my funds had dried up.  Now labels are laying off left and right, labels budgets are drying up and some are going bankrupt. Even magazines are folding. Will Vibe be around in the next 6 months. Ebony and Jet  are struggling.  It’s a reminder that even though you have certain plans and goals for yourself, they may not be exactly what God has planned out for you.  I remember when I was back in my aunt’s guest room trying to figure out what was next for me, I would pray every night. “God, please stir me in the right direction. I need your guidance. Please show me what your plan is for me. I am no longer in control”.

I hate to say it but the evolution of New Media and Blogs have single handedly killed alot of traditional media and publications. It’s alot of pressure out there because suddenly people are looking to bloggers to deliver the news they once tuned in to radio or to television to get. The black sitcom is dead. (The reason The Game is trying to go from sitcom to one hour drama format).  Black shows are dead. Aside from reality, it’s hard to convince an advertiser that people will actually watch an “Everyone Hates Chris” or a “My Wife and Kids”…but they sure as hell will watch a Flavor of Love.  Anyway, back to what I was saying…Bloggers are now taking on the responsibility to deliver content and be the bearer of information to their audiences. News, New Music, Break new artists, keep them informed on politics, etc etc. It’s sad because alot of bloggers print up bullshit stories just for the sake of hits. So they are misinforming instead of informing… Read the rest of this entry »

The last few days I’ve been a trainwreck waiting to happen. Just been dealing with alot of nervous energy and I don’t know where it’s coming from or how I can get back to my old self. …

My travel schedule was a little crazy the last week or so. But I had fun though! The night before I left to go to Miami, I finally went to Door 44 solo and made amends with JD, Johnta, Bryan, TY and the crew (Oceans 7) Usher was there but we didn’t speak. He believes I’m “stirring up the pot” whatever that means.  Shot off to Miami the next morning for Terrence J and Simply Jess’s birthday weekend. We did The Fifth that night and then went over to FountainBleau were JD was djing. Too different crowds and it made me realize I’m so over the clubs where folks just stand around the VIP and pop bottles and floss. EWWW! The next day we did a pool party followed by Dream Nightclub that night..and again…same issue. Flossing and bottle popping. LOL…I must be getting old.

Got back late Monday night and was flying out again early Wednesday morning to cover VSessions featuring Trey Songz, Pleasure P and Young Steff. The show was phenomenal. Very small and intimate. I was in there networking with Angela Yee, The Power 105 Morning Show, Kevin Liles, Julie (head of Atlantic), my boy Stretch that used to work at 92Q radio in baltimore and more. Afterwards we hit Power, hit up Jamaican spot Negril for some food and ended the night at Taj were Terrence J was still celebrating his birthday.

When I got back home to my bed it felt so damn good. It didn’t help that the day i left New York, I missed my plane and the next one ended up being a 7 hour flight as Atlanta airport shut down and we had to fly around for hours before landing in south carolina to refuel.  Finally landed at 2am and went to the club..just for the hell of it.   I need to get my life together…

…Then for two days it was sick and fever time.

Now I’m up this morning trying to figure out what’s best for me and the direction I want to go in.  My site is my career…but I also consider it my hobby. I seriously do not want to reach the level that Perez Hilton is on…and honestly it’s because I don’t feel I’m strong enough at this point to handle it. That’s alot of pressure.  Someone else can have that…lol

When you get to that level, you have a team of folks, full time staff, 2-3 publicists, a manager, assistants, investors and everyone is pulling you in so many directions that …you lose yourself in the process. I don’t want to lose my passion for this…

I could be alot more commercial but I won’t…

Which reminds me, CNN Live hit me up yesterday to invite me on for a 4-5 minute interview talking about celebrity news or something of that nature.  I haven’t responded yet but I’m sure I will turn down right now. I’m so out of the loop with mainstream gossip and what I know will happen, they will throw questions at me pertaining to Lindsey Lohan, Britney and folks I know nothing about and I’m going to be sitting there *blank faced* lol. Maybe a few months from now.

One thing I’ve learned is, always be prepared…and don’t do anything unless you are absolutely ready! If you need more time…prepare before jumping out on that limb, because once you are out there… You are out there…

I’m still preparing myself for bigger things.

…but I’m still not ready…

First thanks to everyone who commented on “Why Me?”. I really appreciate the feedback as it helps me to stay focused on what I’m doing and the overall direction of the site.

I’m currently at my Hotel in Miami. I had to dip out on a Lingerie Party that I was supposed to attend tonight only because the innanet (lol) is so crucial. You never know where those types of pics would end up. My sis went though and is giving me up to the minute updates as I type..lol.

Me and sis

I’m exhausted. Weekend was long. I think my highlight was seeing Terrence J’s friend Fred attempt to throw him in the pool and they took this huge umbrella that was poolside down with them in the struggle. lol.

The peeps that flew in for this drank from sun up to sun down but my body isn’t built for all that.  they kind’ve thought I was being uptight but I wasn’t trying to run around miami drunk and acting a fool. Will update with just a few pics (i didn’t take many for some strange reasons) in another post. Forgot my camera cord.

One will definitely prove that me and jermaine are not beefing…

Lata peoples…and do believe i appreciate all the support and love!!

Sitting here trying to think about my answers for an interview with Pulse Magazine, an internal publication from Vibe Magazine. One question in particular has me stumped.

Why should gossip-heads click to necolebitchie.com before concreteloop.com, theybf.com, or mediatakeout.com?

It’s funny they would ask because I’ve always wondered that. I am grateful every day when I click on the site and see the amount of comments. I know each and every regular commenter by name and no matter what time of day I post, there is bound to be someone on ready to do some “bitchin”. But why me? What makes my site so much more appealing than the thousands of other “gossip” sites out there?

I’ll have to sleep on it…